I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
