new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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