saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
