She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
