I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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