dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
sex in a hospital.. check
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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