i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
