went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
