After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We are two peas in an std pod
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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