Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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