So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
