if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
