The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
