I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
