I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
