Someone shit on the floor
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
