Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
no, he came in my armpit
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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