i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
