Soap is not a condiment
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
