Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
