i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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