Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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