smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
