He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
