as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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