Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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