He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
