it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Shame is for Republicans.
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