I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
