I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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