Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
