I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wish i was in the wii world.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
