Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
