also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
