I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
