apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
