morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
