My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
