I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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