I don't usually arrange sex via text message
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
