My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
