So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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