Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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