Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
