i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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