I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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