you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
