my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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