Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
