her vagine was all disorganized.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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