You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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