I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
